don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My ass is underappreciated
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
