I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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