TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
