First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
