I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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