so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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