WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
