he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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