my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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