I have demons in me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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