it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
