the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
