I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
