you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
