Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
