Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
