how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
