your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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