i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dick has a subreddit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
