When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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