WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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