his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
