what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
