I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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