Michael Bay diarrhea
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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