Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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