no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
