Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
