I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
