Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
