Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
