im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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