Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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