I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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