I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
