the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
