I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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