i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
