I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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