I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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