She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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