I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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