I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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