She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
