dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A+ Viking dick
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