Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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