I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
