i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
