i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
