Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
