You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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