dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
