"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize