She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
