You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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