THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
