dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
