You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
