Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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