I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
