I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My feet surprised me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
