I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
that may or may not have been my penis.
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