and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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