Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
