I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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