i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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