my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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