If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
