My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
