Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
