Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
