She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
