We won't sleep together?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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